Driving and Screaming are a Strange Combo

Driving to Yuba City the other day I experienced something quite unusual. Though it has been some time since my mind has thrown me unexpectedly into the hospital room with my dying mother, it is nonetheless vivid when it happens. This time I didn't rationalize it away. I refused not to react in pure terror. While driving down the highway I began screaming. My screams must have been very loud because my throat hurt afterwards and still does three days later. At first it was a primal scream void of words. Then it became, "Dont Die!" It was as if it were out of my control though I knew I could stop it if I wanted. I didn't want to. Some part of me decided that this had to happen as if vomiting emotionally. There was no recalling this escaping burst of pain. I was exhausted and weeping afterwards but satisfied in a way I haven't known since her death. I needed to do it and am glad it happened. The mind is powerful. Night Mom.